Book review: Jack Feels Big (plus a chance to win)

We in the Cake household feel pretty strongly about people being able to express their emotions in healthy ways - one of the main take-home lessons I got from a great book I reviewed last year was that boys in particular are often discouraged from dealing with their feelings, and are taught from a young age to bottle them up. So when I saw the (now completed) PledgeMe campaign for Jack Feels Big, I thought it was worth getting behind.

Obviously it's good for all children to have tools for managing their feelings, so this book definitely isn't just for boys, but I like that the lead character is male in this case. The author has aspirations to publish another version with a female lead, but unfortunately the initial funding didn't get far enough to achieve that - I daresay if this book does well that might not be too far off, though, so if you're interested keep an eye on the Jack Feels Big Facebook page for updates.

The book is comprised of five stories, each of which deals with an emotion children might struggle with. At the start there are some notes about how the book is intended to be used. The aim is to teach the vocabulary so that your child can express their feelings, and though each story has a resolution, understanding and communication are the main objectives. With that in mind, each feeling is given in Te Reo Maori and New Zealand Sign Language (with illustration) as well as in English.

Each story is simple but relatable - Jack feels overwhelmed by having to tidy his room, or frustrated that he can't complete his tower of blocks - and though our Little Monkey is a bit young to work through the reflection page at the end of each one, the simple narrative and bright pictures already appeal.

It's a simple concept but a very welcome addition to our bookshelf - and hopefully it will bring both enjoyment and understanding to our kids over time.

I've been given two copies to give away to one of you lucky folk (so you can keep one and give one to a friend), so if you think this would be a great addition for your bookshelf, hop over to my Facebook page and comment on the post there to get in the draw.

Alternatively, you can order the book directly from www.jackfeelsbig.nz, and until the 10th of May you can get 15% off using the code MrsCake. It's only $20 to start with so that's a pretty sweet deal!

All the stuff you (actually) need for a baby

Since the Cake household is officially in nesting mode again, I've been thinking a little about whether we need anything extra for #2. We tend a bit towards the minimalist end of the scale (we prefer food to stuff!) and when our Little Monkey was born we were living in a pretty small house (which we liked - just not quite as much as we like big, daft projects).

We're also on the frugal side - not extremely, but we do like to weigh up whether we really need things before forking out our hard-earned cash for them. This means I spend lots of time finding out what other people think about things before buying, as well as hunting down bargains and quality secondhand stuff.

Given this, I spent my last pregnancy picking people's brains for what was actually needed, and then further refined my thoughts after the Little Monkey arrived. Since I did all that legwork I figured I might as well share it here, in case you're in a similar boat and want to know just how much stuff a small person needs.

The list looks fairly insane, but it covers absolutely everything that's needed to start with (and then some - you could get by with less). Many of these things can be borrowed or picked up very cheaply secondhand, and your needs and preferences will differ, but hopefully this is a helpful starting point.


Some of the links below (the ones marked with *) are affiliate links, which means that if you click through and buy something I get a small kickback - but I really do recommend these products and vendors. If I wouldn't buy it myself, it's not on the list. 

The List

Sleeping stuff

• Basket or bassinet
• Moses baskets, bassinets, cradles and stroller bassinets (our chosen option) all work here, so long as it's safe and snug. You won't use it for that long (probably max 3 months) and the bigger it is the harder it is to store. 
• Secondhand is a great option here.
• Cot and mattress
• Secondhand cots are cheap and readily available (ours was $50 on TradeMe). 
• New mattresses are recommended for safety. We went for this basic mattress - check if buying separately that the mattress and cot are the same size. 
• Linen
• Mattress protectors - two is ideal - purpose-bought* ones are great; a partially felted blanket will also do the trick; even a towel can help in a pinch. We used the cot ones tucked firmly around our bassinet mattress in the early days so only bought cot size.
• Sheets
• Two fitted or flat bottom sheets for the bassinet - we found a pillowcase fitted perfectly over our bassinet mattress so just used those. 
• Two fitted bottom sheets* for the cot. 
• Two top sheets - we found large muslins worked well, and as they doubled as swaddles we just had one stash of them - I think we had six in total. Note that for safety reasons loose sheets and blankets are sometimes recommended against - we chose to tuck them firmly in very low down in the bed so our winter baby stayed cosy without being triple-swaddled - so especially if you have a warmer house you might not need these. 
• Swaddles - you don't have to swaddle at all but very little babies do seem to like being bundled up, and certainly for us it improved sleep so we embraced it! 
• You'll want at least 3 as the swaddle is the most likely piece of bedding to cop leaks. 
• Muslin swaddles want to be around 120cm x 120cm, otherwise there won't be enough fabric to wrap the baby up firmly. The ones we bought are no longer available but Aden and Anais swaddles* are lovely and come in lots of different prints and patterns. 
• If you have a Houdini baby (our Little Monkey was) or just don't want to bother working out how to make a baby burrito, zip-up swaddles are an easy option. We switched to these Mokopuna ones at about a month old when it became clear he could wangle his way out of the muslins and wake himself up. 
• Blankets 
• Four or five of varying weights should be enough. Larger blankets can be folded in half for extra warmth for little babies, so once again we skipped bassinet sizes in favour of cot and stroller sizes. Thinner merino blankets can make great swaddles for cooler weather. 
• We have (and this has been plenty): 
• A large double layer merino blanket 
• A thin merino blanket (similar to this)
• A lightweight cotton stroller blanket
• A cotton quilt
• Merino is my favourite for its warmth and breathability; cotton is also good; polar fleece is not breathable and not great for babies as they can't regulate their temperature very well. 
• Blankets are simple to make, so if you can sew a straight line you can save a few dollars by buying offcuts from NZ Merino and Fabrics and hemming your own. 
• Sleeping bag
• It's generally advised to move babies out of swaddles (often into a sleeping bag) from around three months as it's not safe for them to be swaddled once they can roll. 
• We like the Mokopuna Cocoono but there are lots of great options out there. Since you won't need this straight away hang out for a really good deal if you can. We have two. 

Changing Stuff

• Nappies
• Newborns can go through 8-12 per day so a decent stash of disposables and/or 20-24 cloth nappies (our cloth nappies were too bulky for the first month so we started with disposables – and we like having some disposables as backups anyway). 
• Some babies grow out of the newborn size of disposable size very quickly, so don't stock up too much.
• Wipes 
• If you're using cloth wipes, 24 seems like a good number, or a couple of big packs of disposable ones to start with. Having a few mini packs for out and about is helpful, too.
• Barrier cream 
• We use Sudocrem from the supermarket but there are many options. Useful to have some on hand in case you need it but it's not always necessary. 
• If you're using barrier cream with cloth nappies use a liner as it can hamper absorbency. 
• Nappy disposal 
• A bin to suit your baby's room or bathroom - don't feel you have to buy a custom nappy bin - something that is easy to operate with one hand (or even a foot - though keep in mind that slightly bigger babies will work this out pretty quickly) will do the trick. Ours is a rubbish bin from Briscoes. 
• Either a wet bag liner* for cloth nappies (optional but makes life so much easier) or bin liners for disposables.
• Change table or mat
• If you want a change table, all good - but a mat on top of an existing piece of furniture or on the floor can work too. We use the floor. 
• Some kind of waterproof mat to protect the surface underneath. This could be a purpose-made change mat or anything really - ours was waterproof tablecloth bought off the roll from Storage Box. If it wipes clean you'll only need one of these. 
• Something comfy for on top of the waterproof layer. Not essential but a bit nicer for the wee one. An old-fashioned flat cloth nappy or muslin can serve this purpose - you'll probably want at least three or four. Some change mats have a cloth layer and a waterproof layer combined, so you'll have to wash the whole thing if it gets soiled but it's more streamlined. 
• Nappy bag 
• Anything that you are happy carrying around and that is big enough to carry what you need will do - no need to buy a specific bag for the purpose. 
• We mostly use a wet bag with a side pocket,* and carry: two cloth nappies, a mini packet of wipes, a muslin (can be used as a change mat or burp cloth), an emergency outfit, and a cardigan. If we're going out for a longer time we put that into a backpack or larger bag and add any extras we think we'll need. 

Clothes

The fun part! We got everything in size 000 (0-3 months) which was fine for our 3.7kg infant - the newborn stuff he was given lasted a week or two at the most, though a smaller baby would get a bit more mileage. A mix of sizes is probably wise, but so long as you have a couple of things that fit you'll be able to get by for a few days if you have an unexpectedly small/large bubs. 

• Singlets 
• Merino is awesome here; soft enough to go next to the skin, great for temperature regulation and wool doesn’t need to be washed as often as other fibres. Cotton is also nice for next-to-skin. 
• You can opt for sleeveless bodysuits (with snaps between the legs), but we preferred to avoid those for the base layer, as if a nappy leaks a bodysuit generally will need to be changed, whereas a singlet often won't. 
• Three was enough for us - we love the Mokopuna ones, which are expensive but their 0-3 month size lasted us from newborn until around six months - pretty impressive considering how much growing babies do in the first six months. 
• Outfits
• Most practical (in my opinion) are either bodysuits + leggings or sleepsuits. 
• I prefer sleepsuits (the one piece deal with legs included) for very little babies, since they basically only sleep, and bodysuits with leggings when they’re a bit bigger. I recommend Marks and Spencer for these - great value and quality cotton.
• Five or six outfits should be loads to start with - then you can build up as you need to, once you know what you like. 
• Socks
• Three or four pairs will be enough to begin with. 
• Lamington socks are awesome (expensive but they stay on). 
• Socks and booties are very popular gifts so don’t go overboard in case you end up in a sea of baby footwear! 
• Warm layers 
• Two cosy cardigans or jumpers - but often they'll be bundled in a blanket when you’re out anyway, so if you're knitting for your wee one it makes more sense to focus on 3 month+ sizes. 
• Hats 
• At least one wool and one cotton, though a couple of each is useful so you can stash them in convenient spots. 
• Bibs
• You probably won't need these from day one, but for us the drool arrived overnight so it doesn't hurt to be prepared (definitely don't bother trying to get them onto your floppy newborn until they are drooling on everything though!). 
• We like these dribble bibs from Marks and Spencer - cheap and colourful. 
• 5-6 is a good number to begin with. 
• Nightwear
• Completely optional but we preferred gowns for night time because they made nappy changes easier. Because newborns sleep all the time you could use nighties during the day too if you prefer - or not at all. 
• We have four of these Marks and Spencer bundlers – three would be fine but they come in packs of two!

Miscellaneous Stuff

• Burp cloths 
• Muslins or old-style cloth nappies work well – I reckon at least 10 are required (useful for lots of things). 
• Feeding kit 
• If exclusively breastfeeding you don't need anything (except the mum stuff below), 
• If bottle feeding or expressing there's heaps of kit that you can add, but mostly it's easy to get piecemeal as you need it. 
• Bath stuff
• You don't need anything specific but a plastic tub can be nice for early baths if you don't have a nicely sized sink. We used a plastic box (normally used as a washing basket) for the first few weeks, and then shifted to showers and baths with one of us. 
• Baby towels are nicely sized, usually a bit softer, and cute but not essential. We didn't buy any but received several as gifts. 
• Baby nail clippers - some people bite their baby's nails but I couldn't get that to work. You can get clippers from the supermarket. If you work out how to get your baby to sit still while you're clipping let me know!
• Baby bath products aren't really needed for a while, and we were given a couple of samples that lasted us ages so didn't bother buying any for months. I'd call this an optional extra, at least to start with.  
• Stroller / pram 
• Work out what you’ll mainly use it for and buy accordingly. Grunty three-wheeled ones are awesome for long walks, trail walks and runs but bulky; umbrella strollers are better on the bus, around town and if you need to fold them down often. 
• If you choose a brand known for its longevity, secondhand is an excellent option; they can be very costly new but will easily serve multiple kids. Our (barely) secondhand Mountain Buggy Terrain was about half retail price, came with all the accessories and was in pristine condition.
• Front pack / carrier / sling 
• Not essential but a nice way to travel for both the parent and the baby - I prefer it to the stroller for short trips. 
• I love my classic ErgoBaby* (easy to use, comfy and the pocket means sometimes you can forego the nappy bag), but they all have different qualities and if you can try before you buy that'll be your surest bet. 
• Some carriers (including the Ergo) need a special insert for newborns, so check the weight guide to ensure you have the right setup if you want to use it straight away.
• Car seat 
• You can hire or buy a capsule, or buy a convertible seat and use it from the start. Capsules snap out of the car and lots of folk like that feature but we skipped it and I never found it a nuisance (we don't do that much driving, though).
• Extended rear-facing (to at least age 2) is now recommended if you can as it's safer for young spines, so if you're looking for a convertible seat check out the rear-facing weight and height limits. 
• The space in your car is key - not all seats fit all vehicles so make sure you check you have room before buying. 
• Diono Ranier is my top pick for convertible seats - pricey, but should last through to at least school age. We also have an Evenflo Symphony, which is great but the rear-facing limits are a bit low - our slightly-smaller-than-average 20 month old has outgrown the height limit.

Mum Stuff

Mostly for breastfeeding, along with a couple of other personal bits and bobs. 

• Nursing bras 
• Three is a good number but you don't need them all straight away, so depending on your pregnancy weight gain and bra size it may be wait until after your milk comes in to buy these. Trust me when I say you can make one work for a few weeks if it makes sense to wait. 
• My all-time favourite is this Anita underwire one,* which I highly recommend if you're a larger cup size. Actually supportive, unlike every other nursing bra I've tried on (and I've tried a lot). 
• Breast pads
• Supply and letdown vary heaps so don't get too many to start with as some women don't need them for long. 
• Reusable ones* can be more comfortable but tend to be less absorbent - I found they were great after the first few weeks when supply had settled down. 8-10 pairs will likely be enough if you go this route. 
• Disposable ones are readily available from the supermarket but over time can get pretty expensive. A box or two to start with is probably wise. 
• Nursing nightwear 
• This doesn't have to be specifically purchased, but you’ll want something that will hold breast pads in place overnight and that has easy feeding access. 
• I really like Hotmilk’s singlets and nighties – comfortable and supportive, and they have some options specifically for larger cup sizes. 
• Nursing tops 
• Again, you don’t have to buy these but planning ahead will mean you don’t have to undress to feed. 
• A singlet that hooks onto your bra under your regular top means you can lift your top without baring your tummy – easy to make your own from an old singlet if you're that way inclined or readily available from most places that sell breastfeeding clothes.
• Lanolin
• Highly recommended for healing nipples while you adjust to feeding. It comes in tiny tubes (but a little goes a long way) and is available from the supermarket.
• Maternity pads
• Needs vary wildly here, but definitely have a couple of packs on hand to start with. 
• Disposables vary from cheap and bulky (you may get sent home from hospital with some of these) to the fancy branded ones which can be quite pricey. Personal preference will be pretty key here so probably wise not to buy too many until you know what suits you.  
• Cloth is also an option - I haven't tried them but these ones are very cheap so over the several weeks they're needed for you could save a fair bit. 

* Denotes affiliate link - if you click through and buy the product I get a small commission.  

Cloth nappies: how we rock our nappy laundry

This isn't the most exciting of topics but it occupied a lot of brain space for me before the Little Monkey was born, and I've had quite a few questions from people who think using cloth nappies means lots of hard work. It doesn't, so I thought I'd show you exactly how we do it.

There are squillions of different ways to do this, so this is by no means a gospel you must follow - but it might provide a helpful starting point which you can then mold to fit your life and house and family.

The gear

Though we try to keep stuff to a minimum, having the right bits and pieces can definitely support easy living. So let's start with the gear. A lot of this is the same whether you use cloth or disposables, but there are a couple of extras that can help heaps with cloth. You will need: 

Our nappy storage - two
shelves in the bathroom

• Nappies! Check out my posts on the different types available and our favourites if you need some help deciding what to get. 
• A changing station - this doesn't need to be a dedicated table, or even one location. We've always done changes on the floor, so some kind of waterproof change mat is wise, and depending on what you have you might want to chuck an old-style cloth nappy or something else soft on top to make it a bit more comfy and catch spills. 
• A nappy bin - our criteria was that it be big enough for two days worth of nappies, with one-hand lid operation and difficult-ish to get into. We got a flip-top rubbish bin from Briscoes for about $35 and it took the Little Monkey a good while to work out how to open it (he can now but is pretty good about only putting nappies into it). 
• Nappy bin liners* - often called pail liners, these are optional but if you don't use them you'll have to clean the bin. The liner goes in the wash with the nappies which also means we don't have to touch the dirty nappies at all after the initial nappy change. Since it goes in the wash you'll want two of these. 
• Wipes - we were given lots of disposable wipes, and while they're useful in many ways we've found cloth wipes way better for messy nappies because they're a bit more robust. 20 is probably a good number to start with, though you may want a few more. 
• Some way to wet the wipes - this could help determine where you change nappies. We use the basin in the bathroom - the bathroom is where we change nappies now, but we used to just wet a couple of wipes on the way to the change station. Some people prefer to keep a water bottle at the change station. I don't recommend pre-wetting the wipes, though, because they can start to breed bacteria. 
• Nappy liners - you can get disposable* or reusable* liners, and these definitely don't have to be used all the time (we don't) but it's handy to have a few on hand in case of nappy rash - they keep difficult-to-wash-off nappy creams off the nappies
• Nappy cream - you will probably encounter nappy rash at some point. You can buy cloth nappy specific creams, which break down more readily in the wash, or use a liner. We use Sudocrem, which will wash off but might take more than a standard wash, so we use reusable liners when we need to use cream. Petroleum based products like Vaseline are the hardest to clean out of fibres, so either steer clear or use a good liner with those. 
• Small wet bags - these hold dirty nappies in your nappy change bag when out and about. We love this Planetwise one* with a "dry" pocket on the side - it holds a couple of nappies, wipes and a couple of other odds and ends, so serves as our whole change bag. 
• (Optional) Nappy sprayer - these can be attached to the inlet hose on your toilet, and make cleaning up messy nappies way easier. 

The process

This is neither the only way to do it, nor is it revolutionary - but I share in the hopes that it's helpful, whether you don't know where to start in the haze of sleep deprivation, or are just Scared Of The Poop. 

1. Changing nappies

We go to the bathroom, wet wipes as required, get the kid on the floor, do the changeroo - so far so easy, right?

Wet nappies and wipes can go straight in the nappy bin and you can skip to step 3. If you're unlucky enough to be changing a dirty nap, we come to...

2. Rinsing dirty nappies in the loo

There are different grades of dirty nappies; first, if your baby is exclusively breastfed you don't need to rinse, as the poo will dissolve in the washing machine and leave no residue. You'll probably find it pretty tricky to do anyway, as it tends to absorb into the nappies - so unless there's formula or solids in the picture, skip to the next step.

If your baby has nicely formed solid poo you can just flick it into the toilet and chuck the nappy into the nappy bin. Awesome.

For messier nappies there are a couple of options. Nappy sprayers are awesome, and allow you to hold the nappy over the toilet and use the force of the spray to remove any solids. You then squeeze any extra liquid out of the nappy and pop it in the nappy bin.

If you don't have a sprayer (this is us currently, because our toilet doesn't allow us to connect one) the dunk-and-swish method comes into play. It is what it sounds like - you dunk the soiled bits of the nappy in the toilet water / hold them in the flush until the solid bits are gone. Then squeeze out and put in the nappy bin.

This is definitely not a fun job, and you will want to wash your hands thoroughly - but it is absolutely the worst part of the whole process, and you won't have to touch the dirty nappies again.

3. Storing nappies until washing

We wash nappies every second day, though I am anticipating this will be increasing to daily soon, as we'll almost certainly have two nappy-wearers in the house for at least a few months. But every second day is definitely fine - the nappies will wait and will still come out of the wash nice and clean.

There's no need to soak in Napisan - in fact, it's recommended you don't, to avoid the modern nappy fabrics getting broken down and also because buckets full of liquid sitting around the house = drowning hazard. So the nappies just sit in the bin - this is called "dry pailing" - until it's time to wash.

We don't find the bin smelly, and though it has a lid it's not airtight. It's not exactly a feature of our bathroom but we don't hide it from guests (though when we have a family bathroom - something that will happen in the next couple of months - it will get moved there so that guests don't have to admire it while using our facilities).

4. Washing the nappies

Front loader washing machines
double as great entertainment

This is where the pail liner comes into its own. Lift the whole thing out of the nappy bin and tip the nappies into the washing machine, shoving the liner in afterwards. We have a front loader which makes it a wee bit awkward, but rest assured it is completely possible to empty the liner without touching the nappies at all (I still wash my hands but it's really not an icky process).

Pre-rinse
Running the nappies through a quick rinse and spin before the main wash is really important; it removes most of the gunk (obviously nappies are a bit more soiled than your average dirty clothes) so that the main wash has clean water to work its cleaning magic with.

If you don't have a full load of nappies you can do the rinse then add your normal laundry to the machine for the main wash.

Detergent
Use the recommended amount of detergent for the size of load, and avoid fabric softeners as these can build up in absorbent fabrics and lessen absorbency over time. We use Persil, because Consumer found it to be the most effective detergent on the market and we want our nappies cleaned well - other supermarket brands are fine too, so long as they don't have softeners added.

Wash cycle
Choose a full-length wash cycle. Washing in cold water works for many people but you may want a longer/heavier wash cycle as warm water enables easier washing. We use the cotton cycle on our machine, which is 60 degrees, though sometimes we reduce the temp to 40 C if we're feeling a bit cheap.

5. Dry the nappies

Drying outside on the line is great if weather allows - definitely the cheapest option, and your nappies will last a bit longer too (same as for clothes - dryers can be tough on fabric). If that's not happening, a ducted dryer turned down to warm is a good way to go - nappy manufacturers usually recommend reducing the dryer temperature to prevent damage to elastics and the waterproof PUL layer.

Drying your nappies on a rack inside is a distant third place, because the moisture evaporating out of them will add to the moisture inside your home, which will make it harder for you to heat your home and can even cause issues with mould and mildew. Running the dryer seems costly but it can cost you far more in heating if the air in your house is damp - so if it's rainy go ahead and use it if you have the option.



And that's it! Let me know if you think I've missed anything, or if you have a different way of doing things. 

*Affiliate link - I only recommend products I personally love, and if you choose to buy them by clicking through from my link I get a small commission. If you want to support me in this way that's awesome - if not, no sweat.

Cloth nappies: our recommendations

So I've talked about the pros and cons, and gone through the different options in the bewildering world of cloth nappies. This week I thought I'd let you know our all-time favourite nappies and why we like them so much.

I reckon the key to making cloth nappies an easy and painless part of your life is choosing the right ones. Different people have different preferences, so you might not go for the same choices we have, but at least this should give you some in-depth info on some really good options.

Just so you know: links in this post are affiliate links. I only recommend products I personally love, and if you choose to buy them by clicking through from my link I get a small commission. If you want to support me in this way that's awesome - if not, no sweat. :-)   

Newborn nappies

Before the Little Monkey was born my sister recommended fitted nappies and covers to me. Because you have two snugly fitting layers it's twice as hard for anything to leak out. If you've had kids you'll know how sneaky newborn poo can be, so I reckon that double layer is new-parent gold.

Thirsties Duo Wrap nappy cover

It does mean two layers to take off and put back on at change time, but it's pretty minimal effort, and the prevention of poosplosions means fewer outfit and bedding changes. You only need to wash the cover if it gets dirty, so you only need a handful of them as that won't happen every change.

The only trick with a two-part system is making sure all the absorbent fabric is contained within the waterproof layer - the only time we had leaks was when a bit of the fitted nappy was peeking out of the cover.

To get us set up I trawled Trademe and picked up around 20 secondhand fitted nappies, and also bought six new Thirsties Duo Wraps to provide the waterproof layer. In total this cost about $200, and served us well for the first six months.

This nappy has earned its retirement!

We still have most of the stash, but some of the secondhand nappies (mostly Snazzipants) were worn to death, and though they did the job, they're an older style with less advanced fabric technology, which means they take aaaaaages to dry - so I'm picking up a few Thirsties Duo Fitteds to replace the deceased ones for this time around.

It can be worth looking at secondhand for the absorbent layer - you can save heaps, and they last ages. The waterproof covers I reckon are better bought new, since they can degrade over time and that's the important bit (and you only need a few anyway).

My newborn nappy picks: 

• Thirsties Duo Fab Fitted nappies (size 1) - 20 nappies allows washing every second day without running out
• Thirsties Duo Wraps (size 1) - 5 covers is plenty

Infant / toddler nappies

We knew the fitteds and covers, as both were sized, would only last until 9 months at the most. That gave us loads of time to work out what we liked, and I pretty quickly worked out that All in Ones (hereafter referred to as AIOs) were my favourite to use. 

We wanted something simple, so that daycare, grandparents and babysitters could deal with nappy changes without any drama. And pocket nappies, though simple to put on, come with a requirement to stuff the pockets after each wash. That doesn't suit my chore-minimising outlook on life so they were vetoed. 

AIOs on the other hand are one piece, no need to spend ages finding the right bits and putting the nappies together. Most of the recent ones have a snake insert that you have to fold over, but that's pretty straightforward - usually it's not really possible to do it wrong. 

Thirsties One Size AIO

After a bunch of trialling (I even did some pseudo-scientific absorbency testing with water and a set of kitchen scales; yes, I am a dork), I decided on a favourite: Thirsties One Size AIOs. These won me over because of the great velcro and the very quick drying time. They're cheaper than most other good quality AIOs - but they're not as absorbent. The inserts are microfibre, which doesn't hold liquid in as well as natural fibres, so we found after a couple of months that we needed to boost them. 

I tried a few different inserts too, and settled on BabyKicks Joey-Bunz hemp inserts, because they were absorbent but still trim and reasonably quick to dry. I borrowed a snap press and added snaps to all our nappies and the inserts so that they would ideally stay together in the wash (they don't always, but if they do come apart I just snap the inserts back on when hanging them on the line). 

If you'd prefer something that comes all in one piece and with plenty of absorbency built in, TotsBots Easyfit V4 (the V4 part is important - earlier versions are still available but much less absorbent) nappies are also pretty great. They came second in my evaluation, and these and the Thirsties AIOs are the only nappies we use during the day now.  

The TotsBots velcro isn't quite as good as the stuff Thirsties use, and the nappies are a bit bulkier, but they are a bamboo mix, so much more absorbent than just microfibre. They come with a snap-in booster, so you can remove some of the absorbency for a trimmer fit on wee babies who aren't yet heavy wetters. 

Both these nappies could also be used on young babies (both claim to fit from 8lbs / 3.6kg) but neither will provide the snug fit around the leg that the Thirsties Duo covers do. The covers have a gusset on the leg which helps prevent gaping - which I really wish they had added to to the AIO! But if you do want to use the AIOs on a little baby and you don't want to play poonami roulette, using a cover over the top is another option for newborns. 

My infant/toddler nappy picks: 

• Thirsties One Size AIO + BabyKicks Joey-Bunz small hemp inserts
• or TotsBots Easyfit V4 
• 16 nappies would be enough to get by and wash every second day, but a few more makes life easier - we have 22.   

Night nappies

Night nappies have their own category in a lot of nappy stores, but it's not necessary to distinguish until your baby is sleeping for a decently long stint, which might take a wee while (unless you get really lucky). Even once you are getting a long stretch at night, a little extra absorbency added to whatever day nappies you're using will probably get you through for a while (those Joey Bunz inserts would be perfect for this). 

Our rule of thumb in the early days was that for normal feeds we'd change the nappy; once night feeds had reduced if there was an unexpected wake-up I'd give a quick feed and not change, but if it was more than one wake-up/feed then the nappy would get changed. No great science but if we were having a rough night and ignored changing nappies through more than one feed there would inevitably be leaks. I point this out only because there are probably no nappies that will withstand frequent night feedings without being changed - sounds logical but easy to overlook in the haze of sleeplessness. 

We used our fitted nappies with random boosters (these were free with one of my batches of secondhand nappies, no idea of fabric composition or anything but not super absorbent) for nights for about six months. 

Close Pop-in nappy - too complicated! 

Then we got some Close Pop-ins with night boosters, which came highly recommended and look very engineered... But actually, I'm not such a fan. 

We've used them for over a year now, and they worked fine for a while, but they're fiddly to put together (cover + insert + booster + night booster), they aren't that absorbent - by the time the Little Monkey turned one we were adding another booster - and they are quite small fitting in the rise, so it's a constant battle between enough absorbent coverage at the front and builder's crack in the back. 

They're not bad nappies - just not good enough (in my opinion) to justify the price and the assembly effort. 

The inside of the BBH night nappy

We've tried a couple of other options, and the best at absorbency (that we've tried) is a Baby Beehinds night nappy, which is a behemoth of a thing. It does a great job, but takes an age to dry, easily twice as long on the line as any of our other nappies. And it is gigantic on the bum, so you'll have to size up your child's PJs for this nappy! But it definitely does the job, and is simple to use. 

The Baby Beehinds nappies are sized, so I'd recommend using your normal nappies and boosters for as long as you can so you can avoid buying the smaller sizes. We jumped straight to the large when the Little Monkey was about 10kg (it's supposed to fit 10.5-15kg kids), and we use it with a Thirsties Duo Wrap. 

My night nappy picks: 

• Boost day nappies for as long as you can get away with - don't buy anything special until you have to! 
• BBH night nappy (once you need a separate nappy) - three nappies to cover wash and dry time if washing every second day
• Thirsties Duo Wrap (size 2) - you'll only need one of these

So there you have it - those are the nappies we love. We've found using cloth nappies very simple as a result of having good quality, easy-to-use nappies. I'd love to hear what you think - do you have favourites? Have you tried any of these nappies? Any awesome options you think I've overlooked? 

And next week, for the grand finale in the cloth nappy series I'll walk through our changing and laundry systems. I know, sounds exciting right? ;-) 

Cloth nappies - different types and how they work

Modern cloth nappies are a brilliant example of how markets can evolve, but the rapid growth over the past 10-15 years has resulted in a bewildering array of options. In one sense this is awesome because if you have specific preferences you'll probably be able to find someone who makes something to suit you - but it also makes it really hard to understand all the lingo and options.

If you're keen to get started but don't know where to begin, hopefully this will help demystify everything a bit for you. If you're still not sure if cloth nappies are for you check out my pros and cons first and hopefully I can convince you they're worth a shot. ;-)

Types of nappies

All in ones (AIOs)

A Thirsties AIO* (snap added by me so
we can boost absorbency)

As in the name, these are probably the simplest system, as the whole nappy is one piece. Older all in ones have a reputation for being slow drying, as the absorbent part of the nappy was fully attached to the waterproof cover, reducing airflow. More recent versions often have a "snake" insert which flips out for drying, and then just needs to be tucked inside when they come off the line or out of the dryer.

Some AIOs include an extra booster that snaps in place - these should stay attached during a wash so that the nappy is still effectively a single piece, but provide the option to remove bulk for smaller babies who don't need it yet.

These are usually the most expensive nappies, and good ones can cost around $40 per nappy - but they're still cheaper over time than disposables.

All in twos

A Pop-in AI2 nappy (though as you
can see this one has three parts)

All in two nappies (a.k.a. AI2s) have removable absorbency, which will generally snap onto the cover.
These are sometimes designed so that you only need one shell (the waterproof bit), enabling you to only wash the absorbent inserts for wet nappies, and only change the shell when it gets soiled - but this does vary from nappy to nappy, and this will slow down nappy changes a bit.

Advantages can include having flexibility on inserts (sometimes you can get these in different fabrics and absorbencies), and, if you can reuse the covers they can be cheaper than AIOs, since you won't need as many covers.

Pocket nappies

These are probably the most widely used variety of modern cloth nappy (though we don't have any!), and consist of a waterproof cover with a pocket sewn into it. The pocket can then be stuffed with whatever absorbent material you want - new nappies will usually come with inserts, but these are generally interchangeable, and old-style flat cloth nappies and prefolds can also be used.

These are widely available at many different price points. Cheap non-branded nappies tend to be pockets, and because these are so widely used they're also easy to come by secondhand, so this can be very cost-effective.

Fitted nappies

Snazzipants fitted nappies

Fitted nappies are a shaped, absorbent inner which need a separate waterproof shell. They seem to be a bit out of vogue these days - there aren't too many options left, except in night specific nappies - but they can be great for the early days as the double layer of elastic at the leg and waist is great for containing newborn, erm, output.

Cost-wise these sit somewhere in the middle - the fitted nappies themselves aren't necessarily crazily cheap, but they are less than AIOs and you'll only need a handful of covers (we had 6, which was more than enough). You can find secondhand ones floating around, too, and since the waterproofing is separate you can keep using them until they fall apart with newer covers.

Prefolds

Prefolds

Prefolds are sort of a halfway point between old-school flats and modern nappies. They're flat rectangles which consist of several absorbent layers sewn together. This means there's less origami than with old school flats, but still a bit of fiddling to get them onto a baby. Often they're fastened using a Snappi - a little plastic stretchy thing which snags the fabric (easier to use than safety pins). As with fitted nappies, you need a waterproof cover over the top (some folk omit the fastening and just use the cover to keep the prefold in place.

These are generally the cheapest option, but require a bit more effort to put on, especially when bubs is squirming.

Types of fabric

Fabric technology is a large part of what makes modern cloth nappies worth using. Many of the fibres available provide a stay-dry layer so that moisture is wicked away from the baby's skin, improving comfort and reducing the likelihood of nappy rash.

You don't need to know all of this, but sometimes it can help with working out what might suit your family best, so here's an overview. Skim over the detail if you need to - but it's here if you need to refer to it later.

Cotton

Cotton is good at absorbing but can be bulky (by weight it's not as absorbent as some other fabrics, so you need more to achieve the same result). It can also be a bit slow to dry on the washing line and is my least favourite option for this reason. It doesn't wick so is usually best paired with a liner or other stay-dry layer against the baby's skin. 

Hemp

A few different types of insert

The ultimate hippy fabric, hemp is my favourite for absorbency because it sucks in the liquid very effectively and seems to dry reasonably quickly. Commonly blended with cotton, again, this won't wick so best with a liner or another layer next to the bum. 

Bamboo

Bamboo is a manmade fibre derived from bamboo. It is similar to hemp in terms of absorbency so is another great option. It often pops up in blends - bamboo/cotton blends tend to be very absorbent but slow drying; bamboo/minky blends can provide a stay-dry fabric that's also really absorbent. 

Microfibre

This is a manmade fibre, and does a really good job of keeping moisture away from the surface. It works a bit like a sponge, though, so once it's got a certain amount of liquid in it you can experience compression leaks, where the liquid gets squeezed back out. For this reason it's often best paired with natural fibres, which do a better job at holding onto the wetness. 

It's so good at sucking in liquid that it tends to be a bit too drying to sit directly on the skin, so microfibre inners in nappies usually have a microfleece layer attached: 

Microfleece

Microfleece is similar to polar fleece, and wicks but is less irritating to the skin than microfibre. As well as being used as the next-to-skin layer on microfibre (and sometimes other) nappy inserts, it's often used to make reusable nappy liners. You might want these if your nappies don't have a stay dry layer built in, and some people prefer to use them to help simplify the cleanup of solids. 

PUL

A Thirsties Duo wrap* PUL nappy cover

Polyurethane laminate is cloth coated with a poly backing, which is waterproof but breathable. It's by far the most common option these days for waterproofing, whether it's visible on the outside of the nappy or covered by a minky outer. Cheap PUL can occasionally delaminate but generally it's very resilient. 

Wool

You can still get wool nappy covers, and lots of people like using them for overnight, but they are a bit more labour intensive as they need to be lanolised regularly. 

Other options

Sizing 

Thirsties newborn nappy and OSFM nappy*

Some nappies come in sizes, which are usually by weight. A lot of nappies now are "one size fits all/most" (OSFA/OSFM) and will have snaps on the front of the nappy which allow you to make it smaller in the rise for little babies, or leave the snaps open for bigger babes. OSFA/OSFM nappies are often a bit big for newborns for the first few weeks, so you may need to use disposables at first (we did).

Snaps vs velcro 

Most nappies use either snaps (domes) or velcro/aplix/hook and loop to do up. Some brands give you the choice of fastening, but most brands just have one or the other. Pros of snaps are that they last longer and there's no risk of them catching on fabric in the wash, and kids usually can't undo their own for longer; velcro is a bit more flexible in terms of fit. We prefer velcro in the Cake household, but we're fussy about it because some velcro is a bit crap. ;-)

Night nappies 

A Baby Beehinds night nappy

These are usually either fitted nappies or AI2s with extra absorbency so that once your little one sleeps through the night you can trust the nappy to last until morning. You might not need a special nappy for overnight - you can just add extra absorbency to your normal nappies - but some kids are very heavy wetters and there are some mega absorbent nappies out there if you need them.

Liners 

These are optional, and there are two types. Disposable liners are single use, and often billed as flushable but you probably shouldn't unless you want to risk a big plumbing bill at some point. Microfleece liners are rectangles of fabric, and very easy to make yourself with half a metre of the fabric and pair of scissors.

Both types are intended to make cleaning up soiled nappies easier, the idea being that you can just tip the solids off the liner instead of having to deal with the whole nappy. Microfleece ones are also used to help create a dry layer next to skin, and to prevent nappy cream getting into the fibres of the nappy itself, which can affect absorbency in the longer term.

We don't bother with liners unless we have nappy rash, which we're lucky enough to have largely avoided so far.

A few cloth wipes - bigger is better!

Wipes

You can use just about anything that will hold together - I was lucky enough to be given a big stash of homemade two-layer ones, made from flannel, but they're available to buy from all cloth nappy retailers. You can also use cheap facecloths if you want - they'll do the trick.

Wet bags

These are usually made of PUL and allow you to store wet/dirty nappies in a contained fashion. They come in various sizes - small for out and about all the way up to big bin liner sizes for the change area at home.

Phew - that's a lot of info! 

If you're keen to jump in you can hire a starter kit of nappies from NappyMojo, which will give you a chance to try out several different brands and types before you commit to buying. I wish this option had been available when the Little Monkey was born! 

And if you're more the copy/paste type, next week I'll share the nappies we prefer and how we manage our dirty nappies and washing. 

If you've read this far you must be pretty keen, I reckon. ;-) Are you expecting at the moment, and trying to sort out a cloth nappy system that works for you and your family? Or already have little ones and trying to cut costs? Do you have any reservations about using cloth? I'd love to hear what you think.



*Links are affliliate; I only recommend products I love and if you choose to buy them via my link I get a small commission on your purchase. 

Cloth nappies: reasons to use them (it's not as hard as you think!)

The mere thought of cloth nappies can incite fear in the hearts of overtired mothers. I get it; spending your whole life washing and folding folding flat, white squares then fiddling with safety pins would be enough to put anyone off, but luckily that's not the only option anymore.

The modern version (often referred to as Modern Cloth Nappies, or MCNs) are so simple to use, and very economical compared with disposables, that it's worth thinking about before making up your mind. And of course it doesn't have to be all or nothing; there's nothing wrong with using both as it suits your lifestyle.

A bewildering array of modern cloth nappies

Unfortunately, there's so much innovation in the cloth nappy world that it can be bewildering when you're starting out, so I thought I'd share what I know. After a year and a half of using MCNs, doing lots of research, trying a bunch of different kinds I reckon we have a pretty good system. As always my priority was to make life as easy as possible for myself so hopefully it'll be easy for you too.

There's too much to put into one post without putting you to sleep, so next week I'll talk about the different kinds of nappies, but to start with here are the reasons we reckon they're a win, and the drawbacks as I see them.

The pros

1. Cost

Our first set were all secondhand and
did the job just fine for six months.

Cloth nappies, unless you go completely nuts buying a lot of very expensive ones, are pretty much guaranteed to be cheaper than disposables by the time your child is toilet trained. How much you save varies massively depending on the nappies you choose, but we bought a pretty flash lot of nappies brand new and (including washing costs) will have spent less than half as much as we would have on disposables by the time the Little Monkey gets to 2 years old.

Using the same nappies on another child will give us further savings - but even for one kid it makes sense financially. There's a pretty active secondhand market too - many parents buy more than they need or just don't get around to using them, so you can get barely used ones on the cheap if you keep your eyes peeled.

2. The environment

We're pretty sure this poor nappy did
its bit for the environment - it served
several children before its sad demise

It's hard to fully quantify environmental impacts of cloth vs disposables, and some studies (although these are often funded by disposable nappy manufacturers) claim there's no environmental benefit. However, if you're not being wasteful (i.e. you use the nappies until they've done their dash, or sell them on/give them away if they still have life in them when you're done) it's pretty hard to imagine that disposables are the better option. Drying your nappies on the line when possible will help (the studies I've seen usually assume they're always put through the dryer), and will save a dollar or two per load as well.

Of course, composting your disposables swings the equation a bit - worth looking into in your area if that makes more sense for your family.

3. Leak resistance

It can take some trial and error to find your ideal nappy, but once you've got a system that works for you (I'll share mine next week) - at least in our experience - cloth nappies can take a pretty solid hammering. And if your nappies are leaking there are usually ways to boost or adjust them for your child that'll help.

And for the sposie crew -  if your child's nappies often leak, a snug cloth nappy cover over the top can help. You'll only need one or two to avert the dreaded poosplosions and save you a lot of washing. We often did this in the early days and it definitely helped with containment.

4. So easy

These are not the cloth naps of yesteryear, and you can get nappies now that are as simple to use as disposables. There are different levels of complexity - easier to use nappies often cost a bit more, and if you're willing to do more folding and fiddling you can do it all for a pittance. We opted for more expensive "All in One" nappies to make life easy - for us it was worth it. 

Modern washing machines also reduce the effort; no pre-soaking or bleaching, just a quick machine rinse and then full wash cycle does the trick to get everything lovely and clean. 

Isn't this little baby adorable? Okay, so
it's not just the nappy, and I might be a
wee bit biased... 

5. The cute factor

Though this wasn't one of our criteria when choosing to use cloth, they can be pretty adorable. There are so many different colours and prints that you can (if you wish) match any outfit. You can even get custom made ones if you're really keen (this doesn't appeal to my frugal side, as these can be very pricey and they are, after all, poop-catchers, but the option is there.

  

The cons

1. The washing

Yep, you will have more laundry if you opt for cloth. For one child, it'll probably be an extra load every second day; two kids in cloth and you'll be looking at a load a day. That won't fit into everyone's schedule, but it is as simple as throwing the nappies in the washing machine and turning it on, then either pegging them out to dry or biffing them in the dryer.

2. Poo removal

This is definitely the worst bit. Fortunately, you don't have to worry about it if you have an exclusively breastfed babe - just do a rinse at the beginning of the wash in the machine and it'll all be swished away. If your baby eats real food you do need to put the solids down the loo - sometimes that's as simple as letting everything fall into the loo, but sometimes there's a bit of dunking and swishing needed. Gross, but a fairly small part of parenting life.

3. The giant fluffy bum

This is also kinda cute, but can be inconvenient. Cloth nappies tend to be a bit bulkier than their throwaway cousins, so you may find you have to go up a size in pants, especially when bubs is small. On the bright side, there's more padding for all those inevitable tumbles!

4. Upfront cost

Although overall cloth nappies will end up being cheaper than disposables, most of the cost is at the start, instead of being spread over a couple of years' worth of grocery bills. There are cheaper ways to start (we had a full secondhand set which served us well for six months for under $200) but you'll need to put a bit aside to get set up, or ease into it with a couple of nappies and slowly build your stash.



For us cloth nappies won, but everyone has different priorities so they're not for everyone. I do think they are ignored by many folk who could benefit from them, though, especially since in the early stages of parenthood money is often tight and this seems like an easy way to save.

What's your take? Have you used cloth nappies on your kids? What do you think the pros and cons are?

The best internet video diversions for little people (for the desperate times)

Naturally, pre-kids,  we weren't going to use the TV as a babysitter - we don't watch that much ourselves so it seemed like it'd be easy to avoid. Ha! If you have made it through the toddler years without resorting to screentime I salute your resolve - but that's not how life is panning out here.

(I was a mostly TV-free toddler, because my parents didn't have one until I was 6 - though I'm pretty sure we were glued to it whenever we visited anyone with one - so I am saluting my own mother here too)

All our TV is streamed, so we do have to put a bit of thought into what we watch, and I have no idea what is available on broadcast TV for kids. But we've worked out a few things that are not only fun for small people to watch, but are at at a minimum tolerable for bigger folk - and ideally enjoyable. I thought I'd share our Youtube favourites in case you (or your toddler) are having one of those days - and if you have any great discoveries let me know so we can diversify our playlist.

Videos of cats

Is it just me, or was the internet founded around videos of cats? And if your little people are like mine, furry creatures are about as fascinating as life gets. And so we discovered that if there are no real-life dogs or cats outside to watch, videos of cute kittens and puppies on Youtube are a pretty good substitute. Cue giggles, pointing and great big grins. Definite win!

Sesame Street

It's an oldie but a goodie. The Little Monkey loves the furry monsters, and I love the celebrity clips, because they're often a bit clever (Sesame Street intentionally try to make their shows appealing to adults as well, so that you'll watch and interact with your kids - very sneaky of them but it works here!). The songs are the best, and we know quite a few of them off by heart now. A few of our favourites are Dave Matthews and Grover; Oscar ft. Macklemore; One Direction with the letter U; and Usher's ABC song.

Pingu

Nothing new here, but something about this non-verbal animated TV show seems to captivate kids. There are plenty of episodes available on Youtube and it ticks the boxes for inoffensive amusement.

The Duck Song

This is a very silly (but catchy) song with an animated video. It's a certain kind of humour that perhaps not everyone enjoys, but it made me laugh and I find the tune pretty bearable on the kid scale. There are also two follow up duck songs, which continue the story. The Little Monkey is captivated by the simple animations and likes bopping along to the song too so this gets him in his happy place.

What are your default tension diffusing shows for scratchy inside days? Have you watched these ones? Or do you have have alternative distractions up your sleeve which magic away the grumps? Please share your tricks!

Keeping kids' Christmas gifts in check - the Want/Need/Wear/Read strategy

We're always pretty conscious of our budget, and we also prefer to keep our life from being thing-centred. With that in mind I thought I'd share our gifting strategy with you, in case it helps you simplify Christmas planning for your family.

Sometime last year I saw a mention of a gifting philosophy which involves each child getting four gifts; something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read. It's not a new thing - online references date back at least a decade, with no indication of the original source. It has gained momentum, though, and for good reason. It provides a clear framework for gift buying. resulting in largely practical gifts but still with leeway for a bit of frivolity, and enough flexibility for it to suit your family and budget. So we adopted it. Here's how it works.

Something they want

This is slightly tricky for pre-verbal kids, but at this point I reckon we're pretty well equipped to choose something the Little Monkey will enjoy playing with. This year he's getting a few different balls, because we don't have any at home and he loves them. Nothing flash but I'm pretty sure there'll be plenty of joy on Christmas Day. 

Once kids are older I think the common strategy is to get them to make a list and choose one thing off it to give them. Of course, I can see that some devious children might just put the same thing on the list over and over once they work out the strategy (cough what I would have done cough cough). I figure we've got a few years until we hit that stage, though. 

Something they need

When I was a kid we always got practical gifts as well as the fun stuff, and I reckon this is the easiest one. Backpacks for school, sandals for summer splashing, sunhats - there's always something on the shopping list that is a need but can still be wrapped up and put under the tree. And just because it's something that's needed doesn't mean it can't be fun! 

Something to wear

Many families give new PJs at Christmastime anyway; nice new threads are always good and let's face it, kids are always needing new clothes. If you don't want to buy anything extra, just wait until Christmas to give them their upgraded wardrobe and you're all set. 

We've decided that the wearable gift will always be something a bit nicer than the rough and ready day-to-day clothes - last year's was a cute screenprinted t-shirt from a local market. I'm still on the hunt this year - anybody got any great recommendations? 

Something to read

Because books are always good. I struggle to stop at one, actually.  This year he's getting this one* (which we're also giving to his cousins, so I'm not naming it in the text here in case their parents don't want to know). He was given the first book by the same author for his birthday and it is awesome.



Gifts aren't everything, but they are a fun and exciting part of Christmas, especially for kids. I like that this approach helps reign in the buy-everything trap that it's easy to fall into, while still providing variety, practicality and fun for the recipients. How do you do Christmas gifts at your place?



*Links in this article are affiliate links so if you click through and buy a book you're supporting my blog. I only ever recommend things I happily spend my own money on though! :-) 

My four favourite pregnancy and parenting books (with a strong science bias)

When I was pregnant with the Little Monkey, since it was an all new game for us, I was keen to hunt down the best resources to inform me for the path ahead.

So I read a heap of books, some of which I hated, some of which had a few good points in them, and a few (i.e. those listed below) which I devoured, which resonated with me, and which have made me feel more comfortable and in control of my parenting. If they were real books they'd be dog-eared and weathered by now because I have referred back to them on many occasions, but I primarily read on Kindle so the wear doesn't show.

Veteran parents are probably already laughing at me, because really you can't really know it until you're in the midst of it, and "control" becomes a much looser concept when there are small people in the mix. But I respond well to data: it makes me better able to cope with the unpredictable. It's how I think. If you're also data-driven and you're getting ready to start a family (or are just interested in the science) then you might enjoy some of these books.

All these books are packed full of data on various topics, and aren't judgemental or preachy - they just lay out the info for you to make a call on what's best for your family. There are lots of different ways of going about things and there isn't necessarily a right or wrong for everything - but feeling comfortable about your method helps make the journey more relaxing.

1. Expecting Better 

Written by economist Emily Oster, this looks at data on what pregnant women should and shouldn't do, and breaks down risks, myths and old wives' tales. Rather than prescribe a course of action, Oster presents the data in a digestible way and encourages the reader to make their own informed risk assessments and decisions.

My key learnings: recommended dietary restrictions for pregnant women are often overstated, and some matter a lot more than others; alcohol in moderation is most likely fine after the first trimester; most of the things people recommend to bring on labour don't work (but a couple have reasonable evidence). I also really liked the probability charts.

2. The Science of Mom

This is my most recent read (it only launched at the end of August), and I wish I'd had it earlier. Topics start at cutting the cord and run through milk, sleep and vaccines through to introducing solids. As with Expecting Better, the data is presented for the reader to draw conclusions from, and Callaghan weaves her own parenting experiences into the data which makes the book very relatable.

My key learnings: That the benefits of delayed cord clamping are very important for the iron levels of breastfed babies; food allergies are substantially more common in kids who have the potential allergens withheld until late infanthood.

3. Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue

A great book about how gender impacts on our kids - which I reviewed in great depth here. It's split into three sections. The first discusses the effect of sorting and labelling by gender on how we think about people. The second attempts to identify what the real differences are between boys and girls - hard to pin down, due to the effects of stereotype reinforcement. The third section looks at how we can use this information become better parents.

My key learnings: Individual personality is way more important than gender for determining what children will and won't like; gendered perceptions become pervasive for children at a very young age.

4. The Happy Sleeper 

Yep, a sleep training book. So I'm starting with a caveat: this is a very personal thing, and if sleep training is not for you, no worries! We worked out that it was going to be our thing when, after a long day with not much napping, I put the Little Monkey into his cot for a nap. He looked like he was drifting off... And then he started crying. I was at the end of my tether, so I took a deep breath and took the best piece of advice I got from our antenatal group: if you are pushed to your limits, leave the baby in a safe place (like the cot), close the door, and give yourself five minutes to calm down. At around four and a half minutes, just as I was about to go and get him up and cuddle him, he went to sleep. And had a lovely, long nap. Which we both needed. And woke up happy as anything.

After that we read up a little on gentle sleep training methods, and ended up using The Sleep Store's verbal reassurance, which was very effective. He learned the signals and words that meant it was time to sleep, and though there were a couple of stressful nights getting into the groove he has become a champion sleeper. I know this is partly temperamental - not all kids respond to this - but for us it was a life-saver.

So back to the book - I saw it recommended as a science based look at sleep training, and bought it without knowing what it recommended (hoping it wouldn't tell me my child would hate me forever!). It looks at the research on infant sleep but also the health of the family as a whole, which I think is very important. If the parents are exhausted and can't cope it will rub off on the kids. And then it goes on to discuss techniques that are appropriate for various ages. Though the methods don't differ much from The Sleep Store's VR, they are slightly gentler and there's more background info, which is helpful to refer back to when you're in the midst of it and questioning whether you're doing the right thing.

My key learnings: That the appearance of a long evening sleep is a strong signal that the baby's circadian rhythms are kicking in; the "soothing ladder" suggestions for young babies, that allow you to work through the least disruptive calming methods before picking up the baby.


I'd love to hear your recommendations - what did you rely on to get you through the fog? Any other great reads I should get into before the arrival of number two?

Links in this article are affiliate links so if you click through and buy a book you're supporting my blog. I only ever recommend things I happily spend my own money on though! :-)